Three Years Later

Well, I’ve disappeared. I’ve been “off the map,” so to speak. It’s easy to disappear when you are Nobody. Sometimes, you even forget there was somewhere else you were supposed to be. I suppose it’s better that way.

I struggle to conceive how to address my absence. I would offer a formal apology, but analytics indicate that no one fucking cares. As far as significant developments are concerned, there are a few. Covid-19, Q-anon, January 6th, the invasion of Ukraine, Inflation, it’s all been a bit… challenging. I quit writing before these historical events occurred. Perhaps it was the perfect time to pull away.

I nuked my social media accounts in 2019 before the world started falling apart. I spared myself from witnessing people I respected being torn asunder by cognitive dissonance. Corruption, stupidity, and misinformation reign supreme. I don’t know how well I would have handled these controversies if I had to see every person I know’s opinions on them. I certainly would have lost a lot of respect for friends and family. I must say, quitting the apps was a great relief for my mental health.

What else is new?

Here is a big one. I decided to pursue my dream of becoming a librarian. I had already met the teaching requirements and took the initiative to enroll in a master’s program. Thus far, I am one year away from graduation, and I’ve already begun my first year of librarianship. I was fortunate enough to earn the position at my old school, and I couldn’t be happier with where I’m at. My role has changed entirely, and my new position is more conducive to my personality. I am thriving.

As love is concerned. I repeat the excuse that I don’t have time for it. I have very little free time, but it’s still an excuse. I hide behind it to avoid confronting the fear of commitment, my personal apathy towards dating, and my remarkable ineptitude. I can only blame my demanding schedule for another year, so I’m running out of places to hide. I’ll probably be okay. I haven’t lost all my hair yet, and I could probably put on some muscle if I was motivated enough to exercise. I’ll be a catch when I decide to swim.

Emotionally, I’m in a much better place than I was. I achieved a few goals and am still riding the high of being what I want to be. I’m currently seeking therapy because I feel like I might have a chance of escaping the orbit of my blackhole depression. Either way, I am more stable than I was before.

Librarianship has a few significant barriers of entry. At a minimum, six years of full-time college is required. For a person like me, it’s more like nine years of floundering towards success. It is also challenging to earn library experience. I had to quit working for six months to earn volunteer experience and apply for low-paying positions.

I was fortunate to land this position while still in my master’s program. I can apply the knowledge I am learning to my career and earn the elusive librarian experience that others still struggle to find. My relationship with students has changed since I am no longer responsible for their grades. I can focus on providing enrichment and support for students. I help them with essays and projects. I can interact with the whole school, which can be socially draining, but extremely fulfilling.

I can feel that same energy I felt when I started this blog. I’ve grown so much since then. I can’t imagine what will come next. Maybe I’ll write about it… if I feel like it.