Well, I’ve disappeared. I’ve been “off the map,” so to speak. It’s easy to disappear when you are Nobody. Sometimes, you even forget there was somewhere else you were supposed to be. I suppose it’s better that way.
I struggle to conceive how to address my absence. I would offer a formal apology, but analytics indicate that no one fucking cares. As far as significant developments are concerned, there are a few. Covid-19, Q-anon, January 6th, the invasion of Ukraine, Inflation, it’s all been a bit… challenging. I quit writing before these historical events occurred. Perhaps it was the perfect time to pull away.
I nuked my social media accounts in 2019 before the world started falling apart. I spared myself from witnessing people I respected being torn asunder by cognitive dissonance. Corruption, stupidity, and misinformation reign supreme. I don’t know how well I would have handled these controversies if I had to see every person I know’s opinions on them. I certainly would have lost a lot of respect for friends and family. I must say, quitting the apps was a great relief for my mental health.
What else is new?
Here is a big one. I decided to pursue my dream of becoming a librarian. I had already met the teaching requirements and took the initiative to enroll in a master’s program. Thus far, I am one year away from graduation, and I’ve already begun my first year of librarianship. I was fortunate enough to earn the position at my old school, and I couldn’t be happier with where I’m at. My role has changed entirely, and my new position is more conducive to my personality. I am thriving.
As love is concerned. I repeat the excuse that I don’t have time for it. I have very little free time, but it’s still an excuse. I hide behind it to avoid confronting the fear of commitment, my personal apathy towards dating, and my remarkable ineptitude. I can only blame my demanding schedule for another year, so I’m running out of places to hide. I’ll probably be okay. I haven’t lost all my hair yet, and I could probably put on some muscle if I was motivated enough to exercise. I’ll be a catch when I decide to swim.
Emotionally, I’m in a much better place than I was. I achieved a few goals and am still riding the high of being what I want to be. I’m currently seeking therapy because I feel like I might have a chance of escaping the orbit of my blackhole depression. Either way, I am more stable than I was before.
Librarianship has a few significant barriers of entry. At a minimum, six years of full-time college is required. For a person like me, it’s more like nine years of floundering towards success. It is also challenging to earn library experience. I had to quit working for six months to earn volunteer experience and apply for low-paying positions.
I was fortunate to land this position while still in my master’s program. I can apply the knowledge I am learning to my career and earn the elusive librarian experience that others still struggle to find. My relationship with students has changed since I am no longer responsible for their grades. I can focus on providing enrichment and support for students. I help them with essays and projects. I can interact with the whole school, which can be socially draining, but extremely fulfilling.
I can feel that same energy I felt when I started this blog. I’ve grown so much since then. I can’t imagine what will come next. Maybe I’ll write about it… if I feel like it.