Recalibrating

Sunday, November 3, 2019

Yesterday I got my first guitar lesson from an experienced tutor. He showed me some finger exercises, major and minor scales, and taught an introductory lesson into music theory. Up until this point, I have learned everything that I know about music from informal experiences. A friend was showing me a chord here and there, the occasional YouTube tutorial, and whatever I picked up from learning new songs. I underestimated the importance of learning music theory because it seemed like such a daunting task. First, learning the vocabulary that is necessary to communicate, that jargon can become overwhelming. Next, determining the underlying mathematics and science. It was incredible to watch my tutor break down the scales that we had just played into this calculus of seven letters. Lastly, the timing of it all, tapping my foot to the click of a metronome while playing along rhythmically. After the lesson, I felt like an impostor.

I have so much to learn…

I am fortunate enough to be learning from a real musician. Someone who understands the intricacies of music and the underlying science. Someone who has been educated in theory and applied it to songwriting. Someone who is offering me free lessons because he wants to see me improve. I would be foolish to turn the opportunity down, so I offered to make dinner in exchange for the lesson. This is the kind of bartering that I can get behind, reciprocity at its finest. I can’t overstate how meaningful it is to learn music the right way. Learning the building blocks that create a foundation for songwriting and comprehension. I’m incredibly grateful to have this opportunity.

Every shortcut in music leads to a dead end.

I feel energized at the prospect of expanding my musical knowledge. Pushing past the plateau of mediocrity into the tier of professionalism. This will be an arduous task, but a journey that I am excited to embark on. I will continue to resume my lessons and practice throughout the week. I am stretching myself thin with all my projects, but I feel compelled to learn more, grow more, to experience more. Suffice to say, I have more to give.

You can always be doing more…

These lessons shouldn’t detract from my current goals. I still intend to purchase and learn some video editing software so that I can begin making short documentaries. I’m estimating that I should be able to make the purchase in December. I’m eager to see where that will take me and how I can apply my developing musical skills to the process. I have a long break coming up from work, and I cannot afford to squander that time. I need to remain focused on my goals, I need to document the steps that I am taking so that I can monitor my progress. I can only hope that one day I will reflect on these years and recall my efforts and ambitions. I never want to lose this spark, the thing that keeps my lofty hopes alive.

Failure would still taste sweeter than bitter regret.

I think that I’m hitting a groove at work, I have learned the routines and the deadlines, I have made efforts to stay ahead and on time. My outlook on the job is improving, and I am feeling more comfortable with my students and coworkers. I had been struggling with imposter syndrome for months. The significance of the job is still burdensome, but I am adapting to carrying that heavy load. I’m feeling emotionally stronger and more resilient. I am anticipating a productive fall and winter break. I’m looking forward to spending time with family, writing more, and learning more. Self-improvement is a difficult undertaking. It leaves you vulnerable to reflection and directs you to question your own motives. It is a process that takes time and effort. It is invigorating and exhausting. 

There are no shortcuts because they all lead to dead ends. 

-Nobody